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My last dance
I started to occupy with dance sport when I was six years old but dance attracted me very much as long time ago. My favourite film was "Dirty Dancing". At an early age I was illing very much and when I was five years old , my personal doctor recommended me begining to train. My parents enroled me in "Burgas'75"-my first dance club, with my cousin Galin! That happened one year later. We became partners! We transfered to other club, at Mitko and Svetla Atanasovi, a little time later! There we became to dance and train seriousily and we were at "couples" or at advanceds in 1998. We were training very hard! I was going to trainings with pleasure and we were very close in dance club. The club and couples translated into my second family! I made my first competition at 9"D" in 1999.We obtained tenth place .My partner and me kept on with a big ambition. We often were away from school. We added already points to "C" class in 2000.We needed only of three points and we took a part in a competition at Plovdiv at the end of 2001!There was awfully. It was too cold in the hall! It was necessary my trainer wraped me up in a wrap at the course of rests and between the rounds! Any way - we classed seventh and we took only two points. That was very big disappointment. How could be it happened?! If we had taken just one point more, we would have been at "C" class ! But there are gains for all our losses or "Every cloud has a silver lining! "My partner and me took a part in a competition at Gabrovo (Bulgaria) at March 2002, after hard trainings, a lot of sweat in the hall, new costumes and variations! There we defeated a competition and we became champions! We took our one point! Then we took almost all points to "B" class for some months, as we were obtaining a lot of prestige places! My trainer was making my hair-style in the middle of meadow of clovers at IDSF open competition at Albena, when I noticed a four-leaved clover there! I was so pleased! At that time the rest of my dance club also became to look for a four-leaved clover but only my partner found another. That was interesting coincidence! Then in view of the fact I had a right to wish I thought:" Let we go to the final, get a medal and our points to "B" class!" Whereupon I put a clover at my start book!.. And my wish came true: Galio and me became third and we took the points to "B" class. From this moment I believe there're wonders and the dreams come true, believe in myself! In 2003 the successes continued. We loved very much each other with dance club. We were giving support and we had a great fun together. Although we were competitiors, we supported each other very much, especially at hardly trainings, heavy and long seminars and, of course, at the tournaments! We all were one inseparably family with other couples!!! Galio and me had very important examinations in 2004.We had to apply for school of foreign languages. Although we were at trainings every day, we weren't almost doing dance lessons! We were giving everything and we were doing all necessary, because we didn't want to keep abreast with dance. We found at last a sponsor to our costumes. We were taking a part in competitions and we were amassing points to "A" class but we had lost practice all the same! We didn't take a part in IDSF Albena competition, which were on summer of 2004,because of our examinations and we missed this important championship! One month later the results came off - we both had approved and I throught we would be able to devote to dance sport! Unfortunately the state of affairs weren't OK. Some couples of our dance club separated. Some couples moved to other clubs...our club was falling apart slowly! One day I was ready for training and I was just going out, when the phone rang. It was Galin. He told me his stomachache and he hasn't come to training. I was very angry and I told him to ring coaches!.. I was going to trainings alone some days until Galio rang me one evening before training. He said he stopped with dance sport and he wanted to desist from dancing! I was smashed! I couldn't believe it happened to me! I became disheartened very much. I knew it was difficult to find a partner. The coach told me I had to be strong and everything would be all right! Although that I stopped dancing soon - at the begining of new school year. Some months later - December 2004!It was Christmas Eve and I was in depression because I remembered how we were always organizing a party during the holidays and at New Year with the other couples from our club. I felt so sad and miserable! Then I found my old diary and I wrote: "I wish I danced again! I wish to God I gave another chance to train! My dearest wish is begining dance again! I want they'll be a part of my life! "Then I closed my eyes and I remembered how we were one inseparably family. I remembered the way we supported each other... how we were pleasing and crying together! I thought this my wish (and a dream maybe) was unrealizability! But I made a mistake - I had forgotten there are wonders and the dreams come true... expecially at Christmas! Three months later, in March 2005, I came back home just when the phone was ringing. It was my mum. She was very excited and I asked her: "What's the matter? “!Then she told me one boy of my former dance club has rung her and he was asking me for his new partner! I couldn't believe at first but after that I whooped! That was great and I was so excited! My wish had come true. I couldn't believe I received an another chance! I began to believe in wonders again. I had faith in dreams! I would be in new dance club - "Burgas'75" with new guy and with new coaches but the most important was I would dance and train again. I showed up to something like an audition as early as the next day, because the coaches had to make sure we, Kenny and me, got on together. We danced cha-cha and waltz. Then they asked me where I had trained and in which class I had competed. Then they asked me if I was ready to be away from school and I told them I would do everything because of dance sport. I returned again from the day before. Kenny would pay my lessons as his for no other reason than to dance! I was in the seventh heaven! We began training right away. We had been on the hall days on end and we were training from morning till night. It was very interesting for me - a new club, new couples, other coach but there were the same rules! I got acquainted with new people. I made friends with other couples, who were very cool! I compared constantly Burgas'75 with my former dance club, which I missed it so much. But I couldn't deny the new club had better conditions of train! We had some problems with ballrooms in my former club. It was difficult for us to find a big hall only for us and we often moved because of that. The floor was linoleum and was very hard to dance in one of our halls. However....When I went to "Burgas'75" I became over confident! I THOUGHT: "Oh, my God! They had three big halls with fantastic floor, big windows and mirrors on the walls! "They had also a pretty changing-rooms There was a locker for everyone and the walls were covered with dancer's posters. Everything was all right! Kenny and me were preparing hardly..and I fell in love again but didn't with Kenny! And yes, again! I was falling in love with the only boy who didn't interest of me in my former club!His name was Krasy.But when Galio gave up, I lost my partner my club, I stopped dancing and we broke off our relationship with Krasy! I was broken-hearted and then I promised my own I would never permit it happen to me again !..Anyway -just a fate! Some things never change! New club, but the same rules! Zhivko, the boy with who I fell out, was great dancer. I knew him many years ago, because we were saw each other a lot on competitions but we weren't close. When I went to "Burgas'75" the state of affairs were very much the other way! We acquainted and I saw he wasn't just a great dancer but fantastic sincere boy too! He proved very cool and sociable, so kind and sweet! When I got to know him I fell out with him immediately! We were arranging very well each other! There was something different about him, which I liked very much! He was dancing fascinating but he had never shown off! He was very tease and a cavalier as the most boys there! We were lunch often together with other from the club. I was felling happy! I was going to trainings with pleasure every day! Four weeks later! Kenny and me weren't arranging well each other!I had a row with him and he was irritating me! We shoved the doors each other but I felt embarass to drive him into a corner, because he was paying my dance lessons and I didn't want to prove my own as an ingrate!I was feeling really awkward about fixing him, because I was afraid of breaking off dance sport again, because I wanted to dance so much! I was feeling faint and was crying very often! I knew if I wanted to dance, I had to accept him, but I often wondered how long I would stand! I didn't want to stop dancing again!!:(..That continued some time and after that I was going to trainings with reluctance, which had never happened before! The things were out of control. It was happening I sometimes was going to training alone or I was lated for dance purposely! In spite of that, Zhivko and me were arranging well. I was saw how differend they were. Zhivko was great, modest, out-spoken, good - humoured and soft-hearted! And what about Kenny? He thuoght a lot of himself but he was nothing special! Fantastic russian lady - the Russia's dance sport champion, came in the end of June, one week before IDSF Albena Open, where we had to have taken a part with Kenny!She had to has conduct a latien seminar! Couples of other cities came. We cleaned ballrooms and everything was ready,when they informed us the plane has lated! Because of that the seminar was lated too! It started at half past ten p.m. My partner suddenly let me and went to tell a coach something.After that he left the hall and left me alone! I thought Kenny was going to the bath and kept on dancing alone. He didn't come back anymore .He left me alone at the seminar and left without saying me or giving notice to me. I wanted to cry and held the tears with great difficulty! How could he leave me this way?! I was both very upset and very angry. The seminar ended at 1.30 p.m. and I was at home at 2.30 p.m.! Some days later! He wasn't calling me and I decided to ring him. We talked but Kenny didn't say anything about the seminar, about the championship in Albena, about the dance. I complained my friends but they were against stopping dancing. I didn't know what to do .I was afraid to give up.I was afraid of what Kenny would say. I was afraid of trainer's reaction! I thought of my former trainers'reaction. I missed them a great deal! I knew they loved me very much because they didn't prevent me from begining to dance with Kenny in a new dance club! They let me there, because they knew how much I loved dance and how much I suffered when Galio gave up! I was afraid of what would happen with me. I couldn't go on with Kenny but I didn't want to lose my dance club my partner and dance on the whole again! I have already gone through that and I was afraid mostly of everything would repeat again! ..But it happened in much the same manner on 7 July, 2005. I told Kenny, while I was crying, I wanted to break up and I explained to I couldn't go on this way and I couldn't stand! I expected he tried to stop me or maybe I expected he would declare we would get things square but he didn't do that! He told me quite calmly if I had decided in that case, it just had hadn't meaning!... I put through to Zhivko a week later and I congratulated him, because he had become first at the international championship. We talked and laughed! Then we talked about dance and he gave me a sympathy but I didn't feel better! I understood Kenny had begun to dance with another girl. Zhivko felt something was wronging. He asked what it was. He was right! Although I had promised I wouldn't ever allow everything go over again. But it happened in this way! I gave up dancing! I lost my new club, lost my partner. I didn't want to lose Zhivko, as I had lost Krasy! Because of this I told him I fell out with him. That was very foolish action, for the sake of which I still pay! He surprised very much and he hasn't expected it from anybody so close! In spite of that he promised to call me someday!.. All month went by! I was suffering and wept for the sake of dance and Zhivko wasn't ringing. I felt devoted and I was angry with him. My friends were saw I felt sad and they consoled me! They were advising me to walk away and go on..! One of them told me: "Be able to go on your life without the thing, which a fate has gotten!" I met Zhivko shortly after that and he greeted me and said: 'Hi!How are you?' but I took a look him badly and I bypassed him! I was mixed-up, awfully mixed-up and I felt like I was full of poison! One of my friends told me I wasn't full of poison! She told me it was a pain! Pain, which would leave behind! I knew it would be difficult - "There are some things the time can't wipe out! Some hurts are too deep and never have taken old. How you go on, when your heart begin to understand there isn't turning back?! "When I gave up dancing I lost a part of my own. I regularly come back to the dance hall or to competition in my dreams and when I wake up I feel like choking! Memories and dreams suffuse me and I can't breathe. I miss everything! I miss even the way thereby a floor was suffused with sun light! When everything went over again I understood that what is destined it is going to happen, no matter what have we promised! And everyone of us must receive it with dignity! I'm sorry things have turned out the way they have! But the choice was mine! I'm sorry mostly I stop training and maybe I'll never dance again! I regret we broke our friendship with Zhivko! ... September, 2006. All year passed since I've given up dancing but I still can't put up with it! I had never perceived dance like a hobby or just an amusement. They had never been just a sport for me! Dances meant friends, love and dreams! It is difficult for me to believe maybe I won't ever dance again! Many people around me can't believe how much I suffer. Dance are still a big part of me! Kenny go on dancing with other girl and I try to be happy for them. We sometimes meet each other with Zhivko and although I was bypassing him before ,he always greets me! I feel so sad and I suffer for the sake of that what have happened an year ago. I thought I have overcome it yet but I visibily just beguile myself I can .My friends don't know how they can help me! Maybe only I can help myself by putting up with it! And yet - my life is before me!.. "Dear heart, it is easy to get used to some changes! You'll become reconciled with some things after a time but you will never put up with loss of some others!" Mihaela Georgieva Mihova from Bulgaria misha_m@mail.bg |